How are yiz keeping? Dr Bill Cullen here. When I was asked to right an introductory blog for the Cat Malojin blog I didnt have to think twice – I immediately refused. Afterall, people who hang out on the internet aren’t the type of people that have money for Korean made hatchbacks.
But then, I thought the New Year might be a time to turn over a new leaf, and maybe, just maybe, Dr Bill could help some chizzlers in need out, with my 83 years of business expertise and my massive shoulders.
What advice would I have for the chizzlers running the blog? Well I’ll do better that that – I’ll tell ya the key to business success: The trick is to swindle as many people as possible, as often as possible. People used to come into my showrooms, and ask me ‘Bill, me aul flower, can ya do me a deal on a Renault?’ I say ‘Ah course, ah course, come on in – I’ll give ya that lovely yella number out front for half nothing- She’ll get ya from A to B’. ‘Half nothing?!’ says them. ‘Half nothing’ says I, and we sign the contract – them as happy as a pig in the Dodder at low tide – and they drives away they do. As they’s leaving I ask them ‘Dya want any of the extras?’ ‘Extras?’, says them, ‘What kind of extras?’. ‘Well, its up to you’, says I ‘But I reckon she’ll need a gear stick and a handbrake if ya want to slow her down!’. And thats where ya make the serious dosh. I once traded a glovebox for a brand new pair of brogues I did. A size and a half too small they were but still I wore them to my First Holy Communion.
I was making a killing on those aul Meganes and Clios ah course, but ya have to know when you have had too much of a good thing, so much like St Patrick got rid drove the snakes out of Ireland in pagan times, Dr Bill drove the Renaults out of Ireland in more recent pagan times. Now I only sell the Samsung cars, built to the highest of North Korean specifications. I’m not making as much money, but sure I have Jackie out selling tangerines door to door around Inchicore, and we’re able to sleep on the showroom floor most nights, so its basically fine.
In conclusion what verdict does Dr Bill give for this blog? Well if the boys keep their promise and post articles about life in the tenemants, and the shocking truth behind the decline of sales of red lemonade the Doc would have to say – Diagnosis: Really Cool Blog!
Disclaimer: Our legal team have advised us to clarify that Dr Bill Cullen is an entirely fictitious entity, and any resemblance to any persons, either living or suffering from temporary or permanent rigor mortis, is purely coincidental.