Ahead of the Superbowl on Sunday last, the Cat Malojin boyo’s had a betting competition – placing €1 on 10 different categories linked to the big game. At stake – A two course dinner of the winners choice at a reasonably priced carvery, up to but excluding steaks. Who would win this titanic stuggle? Well here’s how we got on…
Tony: Playing it safe on this one, Over 121.5 seconds. Rumour has is Idina is enjoying her time in the spotlight at present and is keen for this to last for as long as possible. Expect needlessly elongating notes ladies and gentlemen.
Paddy: In theory this should be the category I’ll do best in as I know more about contemporary musical theatre than I do about American Football, and purely based on Let It Go from Frozen I dont think Idina Menzel is the kind of singer to needlessly elongate her notes in the way that Cyndi Lauper might. So I’ll go for Under 121.5 seconds.
Results: She actually took 122 seconds! Unbelievable. Its hard to imagine that this wasn’t a fix between Tony and Idina. Frozen is shit anyways, nothing but a poor mans Tangled.
Tony: Pump the brakes Patrick! Frozen is awesome and so is Idina, a terrific start.
Tony’s Balance: €1.10
Paddy’s Balance – €1
Paddy: I actually have a funny feeling that it’s going to be an American flag inspired number. But that’s not an option. I’ll go for Orange/Peach, in the assumption that that covers skin coloured clothes, and in the safe knowledge that society is going down the toilets and she may well not bother with any clothing at all.
Tony: My immediate thoughts shifted towards an Old Glory inspired piece too, however, as this is not an option i’m going to plump for Yellow. Not only does Katy Perry look a right bobby-dazzler in yellow but it also the colour associated with perfection and Katy ain’t far off.
Results: Quite incredible foresight from da ladz here – She actually wore a Hot Wheels inspired yellow and orange dress! Perhaps not too surprising when you consider the expert knowledge shown about ladies fashion by the blog just last week. We both won on this one. Tony in poll position, nothing new there.
Tony’s Balance: €11.10
Paddy’s Balance: €7
Tony: All day son! Heads. I had this exact same conundrum yesterday when asked to decide between the two for a chance to win a free Burrito ( from Burritos and Blues no less) – went with tails and it failed!
Paddy: Well, as we all know, Tails never fails, and with that kind of record it would be remiss of me not to back that.
Results: The spurious rumours of the demise of tails were put to bed for once. Easy money for Paddy here. Amateur hour here by the Tony.
Tony’s Balance: €10.10
Paddy’s Balance: €7.95
Paddy: Thanking deflated footballs would be pretty funny, as would the winner thanking himself. But as much as I’d like to back either of those, I realise that this is a fierce competition that I have no intention of losing so I’m going to go for the big fella, the Alpha and the Omega, the creator of the earth and humanity’s only hope for salvation – Katy Perry.
Tony: Katy Perry is not a dude! If I were Tom Brady the first person I would thank would be my wife, Gisele Bündchen, for maintaining her bodacious bod all these years. All respect to Gisele. In reality though I am going to go with Owners.
Results: If Tony had stuck to his guns and chosen family, like he was thinking about, he would’ve made a tidy sum here, as Tom Brady actually did thank his wife and children first. No mention about her bod though unfortunately. Poor Tony cant catch a break at the moment!
Tony’s Balance: €9.10
Paddy’s Balance: €6.95
Tony: The Gronk is bringing it home folks! Bad ass Rob Gronkowski returns to Arizona for the first time after being banned from the state for fly-tipping in a high profile incident involving a Bell Cement Mixer and a few bags of lime. The ban has been lifted for one weekend only so expect a performance like no other. Think Travolta in Grease.
Paddy: Apart from Tom Brady, I only recognise one name on this list – that of Luke Wilson, who I can only assume is the same Luke Wilson that was in Legally Blonde & The Royal Tenenbaums. There’s a lot of great sitcom character sounding names on this list – Vince Wilfork, LaGarrette Blount, Bobby Wagner, Cliff Avril and Devin McCourty all deserve praise, but I’ll go for my favourite of all – Kam Chancellor.
Results: In fairness who could ever have expected Tom Brady to win the MVP? In the battle of the Gronk and Chancellor, apparently the Gronk steamed rolled right over the Chancellor a number of times. Quel dommage!
Tony’s Balance: €8.10
Paddy’s Balance: €5.95
Paddy: I can feel it in me bones that its going to be around 22.8 degrees celsius, so I’m going down the middle here. Very confident on this one.
Tony: 20 is an easy choice here. Second one.
Results: Tony right on the money here with his 20 degrees prediction. Does this vindicate his oft repeated claim that he is a Southern America meterological shaman?…Perhaps
Tony’s Balance: €10.85
Paddy’s Balance: €4.95
Tony: Katy being mad as a bag of frogs I’m saying Up in some sort of Diana Ross afro.
Paddy: She’s a strong, independent lady – she don’t need no man. Down for me.
Results: Severely controversial decision here – She wore it in a ponytail, which Paddy Power consider to be wearing your hair up for some reason, the weirdos. I’ll be going to the European Supreme Court to get this decision over-ruled with expert witness from David Ginola and Ariana Grande. Tony back on a streak here, its heating up nicely.
Tony’s Balance: €12.10
Paddy’s Balance: €3.95
Paddy: I dont know who Bill Belichick is, whether he’s a player, a coach or a commentator but I do know that cutting your sleeves off makes you as hard as nails, and also gives you the aerodynamical advantage so I’ll take Sleeves Cut here.
Tony: Well Bill is an absolute cheat so I expect this bet to be null and void. For arguments sake I am going with Sleeves Cut.
Results: Tony was right to question Bill Belichick’s ethics, because after wearing his sleeves cut off for most of the winter he wore a full hoodie for the Superbowl. It’s an old ruse this – he obviously tried to increase the odds so he could bet on himself for the Superbowl. Fierce shnakey!
Tony’s Balance: €11.10
Paddy’s Balance: €2.95
Tony: Heavily dependent on the coin toss. I expect the Seahawks to lead for the majority of this game before Tom does his thing in the last. Seattle for me.
Paddy: If this category is about what I think it is, I reckon Tom Brady is far to clean cut to get involved in that kind of sordid business. I choose the Seahawks.
Results: Well we don’t understand this category and Paddy Power told us we’ve lost so we’ll take them at their word – but after the ponytail debacle, there’s a high chance we’re getting shafted again. Does anyone understand American Football?!
Tony’s Balance: €10.10
Paddy’s Balance: €1.95
Paddy: I’mma gonna back my boy Robert Turbing to record more than 1 receiving yard. 1 yard isn’t very much. He must be shite if he’s 4/1 to beat just 1 yard. Nevertheless, I have faith.
Tony: What does this even mean? I’ll have to back Luke Wilson. Old School is an absolute classic and gotta give the man props for that.
“You’re my boy, Blue! You’re my boy.” LOL every time.
Results: Ho Ho, my man Robert Turbin stacked up the yards! I never lost the faith with him, and it was just great to see young Robbie doing himself proud. An absolute credit he is. Unlike Luke Wilson, who hasn’t had a hit in years, and stunk the Superbowl out too.
Tony’s Final Balance: €9.10 profit
Paddy’s Final Balance: €5.95 profit
An absolute swindle here by Tony, as without the Katy Perry hairstyle debacle he would have ended up on £6.85 whilst Paddy would have won the princely sum of £7.53. Nevertheless, Paddy accepts the result and will graciously buy Tony a reasonably satisfactory 2 course dinner, pending the result being overturned at the International Court of Arbitration for Sport. And what lesson have the boys learned from this? Well, mainly that gambling is easy, so children – remember to do it as often as possible.