I recently had the pleasure of being half cut on a train – the Charing Cross Express to Tonbridge, calling at Waterloo East and London Bridge – and having a pen and paper to hand, and with Froot by Marina and the Diamonds playing in my ears, I was inspired to put together a fruit themed crossword puzzle. The next day when I woke up I was so impressed with my efforts I submitted it to the Irish Times, in the hope that they would use it as their daily puzzle, a result of which I would surely make my fortune. Anyways, as per the reply below, and as these things seem to inevitably go for me, I was rejected.
However, I am now posting the puzzle here, as a competition, for our adoring fans to enter. If anyone thinks they’ve solves it, email me your entry to firstname.lastname@example.org before midday on Saturday, and the first correctly solved puzzle will win for themselves a shiny new Cat Malojin mug (now made from a fully waterproof ceramic) and an €10 All-For-One gift voucher. This is a genuine competition, so hopefully at least one person takes up the challenge!
I’ll post the correct answers on Saturday. Tony can enter if he wants too, as he hasn’t seen it before now. You can enlarge the images by clicking on them I think. Best of luck!
Update: Saturday, 4th April
It became evident fairly quickly that no one would completely solve the crossword, so I offered a secondary prize – a pint to whoever got the most answers.
Anywho, here’s the completed puzzle:
– Expensive gimmick, or boring orchard based autumnal spectator activity (5,5) APPLE WATCH
– Hello, is this the Chiquita factory? No, sorry you have the wrong number (6,6) BANANA PHONEY
-. O no! Bedtime is not the same in the Lennon household without this mediocre secret recipe nut based night draught (5,2,5) YOKOS OK COCOA
– Northern Ireland abbreviation (2) NI
– Tough economic times ahead for the spiritual leader of the Mutant Turtle’s vineyard? (3,6,2,3) THE GRAPES OF RAT
– Surely this Coronation St shopowner has more to live for than selling dried grapes? (6,6) RAISIN DEVTRE
– Don’t put this tasty berry in a tart! (4,5) MARY BERRY
– Madonna is fed up of her Big Caribbean Daddy warning her about the dangers of teen pregnancy (6,4,6) PAPAYA DONT PREACH
– Iain Paisley won’t milk an Irish cow, but he will milk these! (6,6) ORANGE UDDERS
– The Last King of Scotland is always welcome in Compton and Harlem with this cherry based treat (5.6.6) BLACK FOREST GHETTO
Shrek and companion didn’t eat enough fruit, and got scurvy (4,4,3) SICK OGRE DUO
This Rice Manufacturer needs to care for his little boy better. (5,4,3,4) UNCLE BENS KID ONUS
Admittedly it wasn’t a perfect crossword, but I still think it was pretty solvable. Although no one did solve it completely, Sean 30K/Dolphin/Stamps/Clanker/Clanks Clancy did make the best fist of it, and a pint of Harp lager will be shipped loose to you, in a hopefully waterproof manila envelope, in the next week. Well done to you Sean!