When Vincent Browne recently traipsed onto Brian O’Donnell’s Gorse Hill house in Killiney, it got Cat Malojin thinking – OK, sure this house is a shit-hole, but are all homes as bog standard as this one? With that tedious question in our heads, we conducted weeks of scientific research, and so we can now present to you the 5 Nicest Houses in Ireland.
5 – This Property in Westport, Co. Mayo Yee Haw! Quit your cussin’ and a feudin’ and get on down to High Chaparral – the tootinest dude ranch in all the west. Built to the highest of Kentuckian specifications, the High Chaparral ranch proudly holds the record for being the least profitable cotton farm in the world. This house is unfortunately located in Mayo’s tornado belt, and has been blown over 15 times in its existence – a problem that is surely enhanced by the brave decision of the builders not to install foundations, and to build the home on an ancient Indian burial ground. Nevertheless, look at it – it’s hard to imagine its worth less than 50 million.
4 – This Property in Co. Westmeath
This hand carved houseboat is located outside of Kinnegad on the Royal Canal and is the latest addition to Eddie Jordan’s fleet of luxurious watercraft. Typically the guest list, for the regular parties Jordan throws on the vessel, boasts a stellar cast of celebrities including Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, George Lazenby, Joe Dolan and Eddie Irvine who is rumoured to have paid in excess of €5,000 for the installation of Pirelli tyres to the exterior of the ostentatious craft.
Visit http://www.bebo.com/eddiejordan and book your May Bank Holiday now!
3 – This Property in Co. Meath This restoration project in Co. Meath, is Kevin McCloud’s dream. It already comes complete with an impressive green roof, and limestone cladding. The front hallway, and initial chamber are a bit on the snug side, but planning permission has been granted for a full refit of the interior, so the right buyer will be able to knock these down, and install an underground car park for their Winnebago. To further enhance this properties green credentials, a 80 metre high wind turbine is to be installed on the roof. Snap it up now.
2 – This Property in Co. Cork
This house is the home of RTE’s celebrity architect, Dermot Bannon. What Dermot has done here is construct a modern, elegant, functional home for his growing family. To the front of the building Dermot has installed four single glazed windows to allow natural light flood the living quarters. He has also planted a big coniferous tree to block out a lot of said light from shining on the 14 inch television in the living room. Incredibly, the front of the house even looks a bit like Dermot Bannon himself. Currently featuring in Architectural Digest magazine, its looking like another stellar year for Bannon.
1 – This Property in Co. Clare This is the house a God-Fearing small time drugdealer would have built in 1982 in Miami. This house is located in Clare though, and is a seriously classy affair. You can easily imagine driving home from work to this spot in your DeLorean, cracking open a bottle of Blue Nun, sticking a Duran Duran tape in the HiFi, and partying on down with your 5 star gal. And, after the fun is all over, you can meditate and pray at the St Brigids Cross on the gable. Another nice feature of this house is that it’s thought to be haunted by the ghost of Don Johnson.