That ultimate test of song writing ability, the Eurovision Song Contest, is taking place in Austria this week. We dunno, it may be just us, but it seems as if in recent years some countries haven’t been taking the Eurovision very seriously (I’m looking at you Azerbaijan) and instead send the first deviant that they find on the street. As the Eurovision isn’t like most other competitions, this tactic is often very successful.
There’s none of that this year however, as it looks like a vintage renewal, with zero gimmicks for the first time in ages. Here are 5 of our favourite entries, all of whom you can be sure, will be vying for the top honour on Saturday night.
5 – France
France’s disdain for doing anything conventionally is hitting an all time high this year, as their Eurovision entry comprises of a pack of wild gooses. It is worth noting, for those readers who plan to attend the Eurovision (all of you I imagine) that geese are large birds and are quite vicious, and you can expect to be attacked if you are sitting in the first five rows. All the same, the racket the gaggling gooses and the bloodied crowd conjure is better than 95% of the non goose entries.
4 – Jamaica
In a geographical sense some might consider Jamaica to be a controversial entry to this years Eurovision. However 2015 marks the 10 year anniversary of the seminal Sean Paul song We Be Burnin’, and to honour it appropriately the various Eurovision Heads of Delegation allowed them to enter this year. Jamaica go straight into the final with Sean Paul himself collaborating alongside Lennox Lewis on a Honky Tonk remix of the Russian national anthem which is sure to raise some eyebrows amongst both pro and anti Russian voters. Definitely one to keep an eye out for on Saturday evening, brap brap brap!
3 – Ireland
In a move that looks like it will pay rich dividends, this year Ireland are going down the singer songwriter route, with their entrant Dermot ‘President’ Mulqueen. Ex-Presidential candidate Mulqueen delivers his powerful protest song about shale fracking ‘Merchants of Death’ in his usual dulcet, sexy style, on top of some very impressive guitar playing. Check it out below!
2 – The Ukraine
Times are tough on the Ukraine. Due to the Russian invasion they’ve unfortunately had to cut back significantly on their Eurovision budget this year. Despite this they’re very confident that they’ve uncovered a huge talent in 22 year old heart throb Dmirti Dmitrovitch, pictured above. Dmitri will be singing the theme tune to One Foot in the Grave, whilst also providing percussion on the spoons. Be warned though, Dmitri’s act may not be suitable for children, as it gets a little blue towards the end. There will be nudity.
1 – The Vatican City
Not many people knew until a few months ago that Pope Francis is a master free-style rapper. In the picture above he’s just about to spout some wiggy lines, on top of the beatboxing his bodyguard is laying down in the background. It was a bit surprising to see him enter the Eurovision though, but you can be sure he wouldn’t have entered if he wasn’t very confident of winning. I’ve seen his act and it’s truly very impressive. Expect lots of bling, a laser show, dancing nuns, and for the haters to be called out. He even finds a word to rhyme with orange.