Tomorrow Ireland goes to the polls to decide if same sex marriage should be legalised. Also at the same time, voters will be asked whether they want to lower the age of eligibility to run as a presidential candidate from 35, as is currently, to 21. Here at Cat Malojin, we are of course politically neutral, so what we’ve decided to do is list out five likely potential candidates that will be eligible to run next time around if the referendum is successful. Then, its up to you to decide if there’s anything to be gained by voting yes.
5 – Paul from Fade Street
Fade Street was a truly awful awful show, but it had one trump card – Dani’s boyfriend, Wexford fisherman Paul Furlong. Paul showed no nonsense diplomatic skills throughout the series, one of his finer moments coming when he confronted a turkey who was making googly eyes at his woman at Oxegen, as per the clip below.
As President, I think Paul would really come into his own when dealing with our oversea creditors: ‘Fuck off, IMF. You’re fucken eejits. Pay ye back? Ahhhmmaa, couldn’t be bothered really’
Hopefully he’s still alive.
4 – Edward, but not John
When the first arrived on the scene on the X-Factor, John and Edward were both hyperactive extroverts, but in the ensuing years, Edward had mellowed a lot, to such an extent that Jedward’s second album was a tribute album honouring Yasser Arafat’s style entitled Tea-Towel Man.
He carried out his most infamous protest at the Eurovision, pictured above, but while most people initially thought it was some degree of political protest it actually transpired to merely be Edward expressing his unhappiness at the small size of the mens section in Forever 21 on Jervis Street compared to the womens section. Nevertheless, he is still one of Ireland’s most astute political minds under the age of 35.
Perhaps I am being a bit harsh on John, he has problems enough of his own.
3 – Adele ‘Twink’ King
Look it, we’re as surprised as you are that Twink is included in this list, but she got wind about this post she rang us and told us to include her or she would ‘Include me on yer list or I’ll rip out your pancreas and shove it down yer throat, yiz little pricks. I’m mudda fucken Twink, bitches’. We tried to explain to her that the list for people under the age of 35, but she insisted that she is not a day over 23 and a half. Amongst Ms Kings political influence are Winnie Mandela and Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
2 – Robbie Keane
Can you actually remember a time before Robbie Keane? I can’t, nor do I want to. Keaner is 35 in a few months time, so luckily even if the referendum fails, he’ll still be available to be our president pretty soon. In many ways, Robbie is the ideal candidate for president – every country in the world would fear him as at this stage he’s scored against each single one of them. And, at Ireland games he can introduce himself to his team-mates, captain the team, sing the national anthem in his wonderful singing voice, and then shin in a few wonder-goals. More bang for your buck!
1 – Zumo from Fair City
Nuff said. He’s pretty much the spits of Mary Robinson from her time in the job in the above photo.