Make your fortune on The Irish Open

The Irish Open is happening this weekend at Royal County Down. As golf can be quite tedious to watch at times, I’ve decided to help make it a little more interesting for everyone, and thus have resurrected an old favourite hobby of mine – pointless gambling tips!

In a terminal oversight, which immediately threatens the integrity of this noble piece, I failed to place my bets until after the competition had started, and thus the number of markets available to bet on has decreased dramatically. Nevertheless, I’ve soldiered on and have found some other markets, that while less associated to the Irish Open per se, can still do a job for us. See if you can spot these categories below.

Sceptics may ask who am I to advise on golf. Well just, take a look at my stats below. Very impressive, I’m sure you’ll agree
12617_3985009984174_1542011718_n

Name: Paddy ‘Sure, that was a Practice Shot’ O’Brien

Honours: Nicest Slacks on Blacklion Golfcourse 2009, Most divots in the history of Blacklion Golfcourse

Golf Handicap: Yes

Don’t believe me? Here I am in action…

THE TIPS

3

Not a bad line up, and good to see Padraig Harrington on top of the leaderboard. For some reason, it always seems that a Scandinavian wins The Irish Open, so I’ll go for Soren Kjeldsen, who used to be one of the other two guys in the background in the 90’s Europop group Aqua.

Now you’re thinking to yourself, ‘Hey, I think there actually was a Soren in Aqua! But he’s not a golfer…is he?’ Is he indeed.

1

I’m seeing a lot of beautiful women up here, which would lead me to think that Paddy Power see Tiger as a shallow, vulgar man. For shame. It won’t be any of these though, it’ll be some randomer.

On that basis and as I’ve never heard of her, nor have any interest in whatever it is she does (ahem) I’ll go for Jenna Jameson.

2

Well, he’s joint last at the moment, and doesn’t look like he’ll make the cut, but there’s no value or fun backing that, and there’s always a chance he could hit a round in the mid 60’s, which would be enough to make it, so that’s my choice.

4

This is of course the big question on everyone lips this weekend. Despite the short odds, I’m just not feeling a White Christmas for Winnipeg this year in my bones. Edinburgh sounds like a very cold place so I’ll go for that. I think it may just be the burgh part of Edinburgh sounding a lot like brrrrr. Illuminati Conspiracy? I’m banking on it.

7

No idea what kind of form any of these are in, but it’s safe to assume that Westwood is bottling something or other fairly constantly. I’ll go for Jimenez, as he seems like the kind of fella that would help out da ladz. Put a few thou down.

5

I’d be pretty confident that Rihanna will join Kanye on stage at some point as they have about 40 duets, but will she join him on fleek? Amiright gang?

8

Ah netball – a womens only sport of course. As a white male between the ages of 18 – 44 I wish I wasn’t so discriminated against.

Anyways, there’s a lot of what I’d call ‘must try harder countries’ in that list, but one name stands out. And that name is Uganda. I have no doubt my man Idi Amin will have the girls up for this one.

And, before people give out, by a must try harder country, I don’t mean a poor country. For example: Malawi. We collected a few hundred Irish punt for Malawi back in national school, and what did they do with it? Nothing. Pissed it away on scratchcards and Beano magazines I’d say.

6

Ah man, I love Alexander McQueen in The Great Escape and Bullitt so I’ll go for him.

I’ll update this post with results when all categories are decided, which will hopefully be by the end of 2018. Hold on to your hats!

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