Burying the Hatchet between Ireland and England

Ireland has always had a bit of a chip on it’s shoulder with regards the United Kingdom – perhaps understandably so given our bloody history. These days, however, the relationship between the two countries is a lot warmer, and its probably about time we forgot our differences, and moved forward together as two proud nations. But its difficult to forget the historical differences when they’re so visible. So with that in mind, and as part of the official FAI build up to the match between the two countries in the Aviva on Sunday, we’ve updated various famous images of Anglo-Irish conflict to make them more politically neutral.

The UVF

2.1

The murals in Belfast, while colourful, are often very sectarian and violent in nature. But instead of the Ulster Volunteer Force, would an Ulster Violin-teer Force be much more beneficial for the community?

2.2

Geri Halliwell

3.1

Irish males encountered a major problem after the appearance of the Spice Girls at the 1997 Brits. Sure, we liked the idea of Ginger Spice’s very short dress in theory, but I dunno, there was just something about the colour scheme that didn’t sit well. So, how about a very short dress that is much more appealing to the Irish sentimentality?

3.2

Colm Meaney will be delighted to learn that he has the exact same build as Geri Halliwell.

Lt Jackie Coulter

4

Look it, I’ll be the first to admit I have no idea who Lt. Jackie Coulter is. I’m sure he was a top guy. But is a mural in honour of him as aesthetically pleasing as a mural in honour of All Night Long by Lionel Richie would be? I don’t think so.

4.1

Iain Paisley & Martin McGuinness

5

Although these two eventually became the best of buddies, for many years they were sparring like a pair of Siamese beasts, as in the photo above.

But it’s best to forget about the likes of that. How about a much more positive image of the leaders of both sides of the political divide coming together to get past level 2 of Goldeneye for the Nintendo 64?

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Gerry Adams

6

For some people in Northern Ireland, Gerry Adams is seen as the man of the people as the mural above shows. But there can be only one People’s Champion – A man who is not afraid to layeth the smacketh down on the candy ass of religiously motivated violence. I am of course talking about Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

6.1

Benbulbin, Co. Sligo

1.1

It’s been many long years since I’ve seen Benbulbin in Co. Sligo, but the last time I passed it – in September 1977 – it displayed a large ‘BRITS OUT’ slogan, carved into the side of the mountain with lime. Presumably it’s still there, but it would be very easy to update the lettering to display a much more positive slogan, as per the image below.

1.2

World War 1 Recruitment Posters

8

As the UK entered World War 1, Ireland was covered in posters, like the one above, encouraging Irish men to join the army to be ritually slaughtered on the killing fields of Flanders. Fuck that noise, says I. How about this much more agreeable poster?

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