We were recently approached by Penguin Random House to publish exclusive extracts from the latest entry of the 50 Shades of Grey franchise, titled Grey, on the blog. Initially we were reluctant, but upon realising how pathetically threadbare the books section on the website is, we relented.
I must admit that I know very little about the whole 50 Shades thing, and had serious reservations about the literary merit of this book, mainly from reputation of its predecessors. However from the little I have read, I can honestly say that this new book is commendably gritty and realistic. I hope you’ll agree.
From Chapter 1: New Be-Grey-Nnings
Christian buzzed me up to his apartment. “I’ve got some special people I’d like you to meet” he had said. I was excited, but also apprehensive. I wanted Christian for myself.
He greeted me at the door. “Ana, I’d like to introduce you to my parents, Seamus and Maureen”
Wow, this was a huge deal – Christian was fiercely private.
“Very pleased to meet you both, Mr and Mrs Grey”
“Would ya look at her Seamie, there’s not a pick on her! Isn’t she fab?!” said Maureen.
“Stop embarrassing the girl, Maureen.”
“How did you meet Christian, if you don’t mind me asking Ana?” asked Maureen.
“It’s a funny story actually – he was the one who interviewed me for the intern job down at Grey Corp”
Seamus’s face went red. He started roaring.
“Jesus fucken Christ, Christian. I leave you in charge of the company for a few weeks and you’re pricking about interviewing fucken interns. You’re driving my company into the ground, ya little shit”
“I’m sorry Dad, I just thought…” started Christian
“Thought what? You weren’t thinking. How many multi-national billion dollar company CEO’s do you think are wasting their days interviewing 2-bit hussies for Mickey Mouse positions?” barked Seamus.
“Probably not many” replied Christian, sheepishly.
“You’re God damn right. Go cut me a sally rod”
From Chapter 4: Is this the Grey to Amarillo?
I usually love receiving saucy texts from Christian, but I must admit the message he sent me today left me feeling a bit weird:
“Another day, another furious bout of trawling through Wikipedia, checking the age of yer wan from Neighbours.”
This message was quickly followed by another.
“She’s 20. Get. The. Fuck. In”
At least he’s happy, I suppose.
From Chapter 12: Terminator 2: Judgement Grey
It was a wonderful Saturday night with Christian. The best in a long time – but I couldn’t remember much of it, probably as a result of the volume of wine we had. We were laying in bed, half asleep, the next morning when the bedroom door crashed open.
It was Christian’s mother, Maureen.
“Come on, come on, up for mass” she called, “I’ll give yis ten minutes”
Christian replied “Aw maaaam, don’t be so saaaaaad, ohmigod”
“Yis won’t be living in my house in sin” she answered.
“But, Mrs Grey, I’m an atheist” I argued.
“Don’t worry about that love, Fr Murphy has agreed to baptise you. It’ll probably be too late to save both of your souls, but there may still be time to save any offspring ye may have from eternal damnation”
I was aghast that Christian would let someone say something like that to me, and fully expected him to stand up for me. Sure enough he sat up and started speaking calmly, in his most authoritative voice, with that steely gaze of his.
“Fuck it, we’ll get up, but we’re stopping at the shop on the way and getting some sausage rolls. Have I made myself clear?”
Chapter 22 – Everybody Loves Grey-mond
We hadn’t had a special night in weeks. The past while had been very testing on our relationship. In addition, Christian and I had both very busy with work lately, but he promised he was going to make an effort for us to spend some quality time together.
I opened the door to his apartment, tingling in anticipation. Christian was sprawled out in the lazy boy in his old Celtic jersey.
“I thought you said we were going to have a romantic evening together” I said.
“Oh yeah?” I started, grinning like the Cheshire Cat despite myself, “Just what do you have in mind?”
“Well, I have a multipack of Monster Munch, three bottles of Tia Maria and 6 hours of Babestation recorded on the box”
I was beginning to think that I had made a huge mistake.